What if

What if there was no light?

Nothing wrong, Nothing right.

What if there was no time?

And no reason or rhyme.

What if you should decide,

That you don't want me there by your side

That you don't want me there in your life

Coldplay's What if

You know sometimes I'm sure we all have a burning question we ask ourselves: What if?

What if I did this, What if I didn't do that and so on. Its a simple two words, but the more we say it, the more it angst our hearts. Today was a surprisingly splendid day, it wasn't me definitely, it was God who made this day awesome. Sure I tried to stay optimistic about things and all, but Jesus was really the one who pulled me through today, and though I recently found out that my 'O' level chinese oral exams is in like 2 days time, I some how feel relaxed and composed knowing that I have the greatest person on my side helping me.

So why 'what if'? Well, recently with the meeting up with primary school friends and all (yes I'm still very much in deep thought about that), the burning question which I had labored so much to bury deep down in my heart started to arise again in me. I pondered about the things I have done in my secondary school life, and came to a frightening conclusion. Nothing. Really, I have not done anything so far. Besides learning algebra and trigonometry and yes, a few new science topics, I really haven't done a a lot of things. And the worst thing is: What if I had gone to a different school? Lead a different life? Would things be different?

Sure you can argue that I wouldn't know anything about how my life in another school would be like, but now, in my current school, life practically sucked for a long time before it got better. I see my primary school mates enjoying their new lives at secondary school, and I was actually ashamed of myself, thinking why I just could not enjoy my new lease of life. Thus the question of what if always came up and burdened me, to the point that last night, I actually could not sleep for like 2 hours?

However, they say that the night is always darkest before the brightest dawn, and after that long wondering of what my life could have been, I had the 'deepest' of revelations lol. And that was simply looking at what my life is NOW.

By the grace of God I am where I am, and no matter what shithole I feel I'm in, God has not forgotten me. That's what I realized. Too many a times I feel that I'm in this by myself, fighting to stay alive in the world. Nothing could be further from the truth, God is working in and through me, finishing the work he started in me!

I wish I could share a verse, but sadly I haven't found one( haven't been reading rather) but no condemnation! haha

So, what if? And I say, what the heck with what if. I embrace what if. I know I have regrets and mistakes, and I embrace them. Because I know and you should know that God is a big God and he is still completing the work HE started in me and you!

Live easyy~

nut, happy and out!