Denial

Damn! Federer lost to Frenchman tsonga..

Credit to Tsonga though, power and purposeful in his shots.

Oral tmr, better get some rest.

Nut, not so happily out

What if

What if there was no light?

Nothing wrong, Nothing right.

What if there was no time?

And no reason or rhyme.

What if you should decide,

That you don't want me there by your side

That you don't want me there in your life

Coldplay's What if

You know sometimes I'm sure we all have a burning question we ask ourselves: What if?

What if I did this, What if I didn't do that and so on. Its a simple two words, but the more we say it, the more it angst our hearts. Today was a surprisingly splendid day, it wasn't me definitely, it was God who made this day awesome. Sure I tried to stay optimistic about things and all, but Jesus was really the one who pulled me through today, and though I recently found out that my 'O' level chinese oral exams is in like 2 days time, I some how feel relaxed and composed knowing that I have the greatest person on my side helping me.

So why 'what if'? Well, recently with the meeting up with primary school friends and all (yes I'm still very much in deep thought about that), the burning question which I had labored so much to bury deep down in my heart started to arise again in me. I pondered about the things I have done in my secondary school life, and came to a frightening conclusion. Nothing. Really, I have not done anything so far. Besides learning algebra and trigonometry and yes, a few new science topics, I really haven't done a a lot of things. And the worst thing is: What if I had gone to a different school? Lead a different life? Would things be different?

Sure you can argue that I wouldn't know anything about how my life in another school would be like, but now, in my current school, life practically sucked for a long time before it got better. I see my primary school mates enjoying their new lives at secondary school, and I was actually ashamed of myself, thinking why I just could not enjoy my new lease of life. Thus the question of what if always came up and burdened me, to the point that last night, I actually could not sleep for like 2 hours?

However, they say that the night is always darkest before the brightest dawn, and after that long wondering of what my life could have been, I had the 'deepest' of revelations lol. And that was simply looking at what my life is NOW.

By the grace of God I am where I am, and no matter what shithole I feel I'm in, God has not forgotten me. That's what I realized. Too many a times I feel that I'm in this by myself, fighting to stay alive in the world. Nothing could be further from the truth, God is working in and through me, finishing the work he started in me!

I wish I could share a verse, but sadly I haven't found one( haven't been reading rather) but no condemnation! haha

So, what if? And I say, what the heck with what if. I embrace what if. I know I have regrets and mistakes, and I embrace them. Because I know and you should know that God is a big God and he is still completing the work HE started in me and you!

Live easyy~

nut, happy and out!

Laughter

They say laughing is the best medicine.

But what does that even mean? Can laughing cure cancer? Can it heal open wounds? Can it remove corns? ( I've this nagging and irritating corn on my leg)

No, I guess, it cannot. But laughing can do one thing, can bring about one important thing which I believe, can. Happiness.

Today was chionging day. I was left with the daunting task of finishing 3 A and E math papers. And to start the day, I was looking at the numbers 1230. Yup, the time I got up. So much for waking up early and starting the day quick. So I grudgingly picked up the compilation and started with an Emath paper 2. And then moved to an A math paper 1. And so on.

PY came over to share the joy of doing our homework, and it really does feel better when you have someone beside you, seeing how motivated he is makes me want to do more and more. And I bet seeing how motivated I am, he wants to do more too. Mutual benefits.

What started off as a dull day soon became nothing like it, we managed to laugh while doing our work, enjoying ourselves as we did the papers, 1 question by 1 question. Laughter, strangely, was found when we enjoyed ourselves, and enjoyment it seemed, was found when we laughed. Mutual benefits.

When I went to the mall to cut my hair, I wasn't afraid this time unlike other times. I laughed about it, told the barber what I wanted ( sides and back short, top spikey, though my hair really just cant be spikey sadly) and enjoyed the cut. After, PY said my hair was abit out of proportion but that it was okay. I laughed about it, saying that it looked not bad but what the heck, this is me and haircuts aren't going to change any part of me. Except maybe now I really look like a chestnut lol.

I guess today's post is really random, I mean, Laughter? We all know what it is and how its associated with happiness. But I found out today that laughter is also a choice, laughter can come when YOU choose for it to come, when YOU say I want it. I want laughter. Today, I wanted laughter to come, and laughter came. Without hesitation or reluctance, it came, filled my heart and made today a really enjoyable and fruitful day.

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

Nehemiah 8:9

The joy of the lord is always near you, and when You choose to say: I want joy, I choose to be happy, then the joy comes! And the joy will be your strength, just as it had been my strength to do my work today.

Federer won in straight sets, I just found out I received brilliant gifts from my sister and I'm still reading the awesome birthday cards over and over again.

Life keeps getting better.

Nut, out

Age

Writing online, be it blogging or emailing, is just weird for me. I mean, you type to a mechanical being, expecting to be heard, to be felt, to be empathized with. But after much thought and a great deal of inspiration from a friend, well I decided to give this a go. What the heck right?

Today was my birthday celebrations. Nothing fancy, nothing cliche. But boy did I have fun! Lasertag. Best. Game. Ever. People say you're too old for this stuff. I say they don't know anything! But besides that, the main highlight of the day was actually something more mundane, something always looked over at. It was a hearty talk with a dear, dear friend.

I have never felt like life sucked, or that my life was a sad one. Nop, not me. I'm not 'emo' so to speak. But one thing I've been feeling this year, this holiday, is a sense that nothing, nothing is going as plan. Nothing is going right. You know its funny, I look back at all the blogs I've created in hope of recognition, and I read the posts I think to myself: my gosh, was this me? was this really who I was? I had such hope, such confidence in the future, with God, Jesus being my unbending strength and unyielding force in molding me and making my future a bright one.

Secondary 4. Reality check. My future? Only as real as my Os. My life? Only as good as my shitty CCA. All in all, myself? Gone. Disappeared. Poof, I'm not the same boy trusting God for hope anymore. No sir, I was a sad, pessimistic guy, rowing on life's mundane waters.

And then today's chat happen. Yokhei breathed life into my situation. Call it God sent, call it perfect timing, call it divine intervention. Whatever it was, I'm grateful that God has sent me a reminder that he has not forgotten me. No way, God is still very much working in me, completing his work in me. We chat for a long time, but time seemed to freeze, caught in the immense depth of our conversation, frozen in the cool refreshing breeze which strangely brought warmth to my heart. Warmth of knowing that in my walk, in this situation, I was not alone.

Great friends are still here for me. Yokhei is the culmination of great friends. I used to think that to be close to someone, you have to spend a lot of time with them, go out, eat together, do anything. As long as you're together, well then I suppose the gel will come and you guys will stick. Well, I thought wrong. We've been apart for close to 4 years now, meeting only in fleeting moments of football or lunch but something was still within us. For me at least, I felt the gel still there, the bond still there. Great friend quality still with us. Time not spent together? Didn't mean anything to this glue. I felt that it was actually God who placed this glue here, as a reminder to myself that God is outside time and space, and that God given Friendships are also God kept ones.

And for that, I am grateful. I've seen life with more happiness, more hope again. Not blind hope which I think I had years back, but hope knowing that sure life sucks sometimes, but it can only get better. With God, with such friends, how can things be worse? And for now, for this situation, I just have to look at the bright side of things. Cliche as it might be, the glass half full is really better than the glass half empty.

wo really long post cause I don't know the average length of a blog...

well, thanks yokhei for everything and life, here I come again. You might hit me down, but I'll keep coming back at ya!

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